with mixed feelings, I say goodbye 2010

If you know me, you know 2010 has been one of the worst years I can remember. If you are a blog reader, you know bits and pieces. I prefer not to share the rest publicly. I know this has been a painful year for many of my relatives and friends too. So I'm glad to see this year end, I hope for brighter and healthier times for family ad friends. But saying goodbye is sad too. There is something about moving on to 2011 and leaving dad behind in 2010 that feels terribly final to me. I hope everyone has a reason to smile every single day of the New Year.

hello....it's been awhile

I guess today is as good as any other day to come back to blogging. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Part of me can't wait. I so want this year to be over. Part of me is terrified. It has been 6 months to the day since my dad fell. Monday will mark 6 months since he died. Although I cannot wait for the fresh start of a new year, I feel so much pain that we will move on to 2011 with out him. It's like we are moving forward, leaving him behind. I remember the day he died, as I curled up in bed to try and rest after sitting with him so many hours, my thoughts kept coming back to 6 months. 6 months from now dad will have missed so many birthdays. Chris, Hannah, Mom, David, Joe, Eli and mine. he will have missed 4th of July and Halloween. Thanksgiving and Christmas. And New Years. As I cried that day I thought to myself "how will I ever get past all of these events knowing all he is missing"? Yet, somehow, I have. We all have. I have been distracted by many things since his passing....my friend Joni becoming very ill and needing a pacemaker. Her recovery. The remodeling of the home my parents shared. The new life I am trying to breathe into my business. All of these things have helped me forget for tiny periods of time. But still at night, 6 months would creep into my mind. I guess it has a hold on me because at this point he has missed everything he would have enjoyed. The birthday's, the Holidays. The next 6 months are quiet in comparison. And, I know there is no option but to try and not look at it as if we are leaving him behind. We are going on with life. As we are meant to do. So I will try to embrace 2011 as a fresh beginning. A new start as opposed to an end.

Sick friend

BABE

I got into the BABE (no, not pig in the city) show! I'm very excited! details later!

new and improved studio!

in the midst of having some kind of cold/headache/low grade fever thing I have been re-working my studio. of course this is a painfully slow process when you only get tiny bursts of energy. the time had come to make my studio (aka: the cave, the closet, the hole etc.) more functional. peg board seemed to be the answer which required a trip to home depot. I am NOT a home depot person. I know some people really look forward to their little hardware fixes. not me. so I had big plans (and way too much stuff to make it possible) to get organized. I have done the best I can and will have to live with the results until the next wave of "I need to organize my cave"hits.

In other news the incredible Cathi Milligan opened her glass studio this past weekend. It is called "The Glass Studio" and is in Los Angeles. if you're in the area check it out:

5052 York Blvd

Highland Park

323 257 0764

of course I missed the big grand opening wing-ding because of my sniffles but I have heard it was a huge success! congratulations Cathi! love you bunches!

I also missed the arrival and departure of the amazingly talented Sylvie Lansdowne (aka: the wonder twin) in her California appearance. this was also a big disappointment as we had big plans to get into Sylvie/Stacey trouble. Sylvie! come back!

Lastly, the bronze queen herself, Cris Leonard was also here in Cali hanging out in beautiful Cambria, another missed chance on my part. Cris, I am so bummed. would have loved to see you and Paul. next time, ok?

so that about wraps up this past week. oh, and Hannah started 10th grade today so the whirlwind of school begins again. usually I mourn the end of summer but not this time. summer sucked so I happily kick it in the ass and say bye bye. no fault of yours Hannah. sorry you have to suffer the consequences. but you have learnin' to do and I have mental repairs that need to take place. haha!

lookin' up!

I am beginning to feel a little more like "me" again. Last Thursday was the 2 month mark since my dad died and it was a tough day. But the weekend was good and I feel the clouds moving a bit. The weather is cooler, which always makes me a happy camper. Spent the weekend making beads. Skulls and flowers and toggles all in bright happy hippy skippy colors. We BBQ'd which isn't my fav, but it does mean I'M NOT THE COOK! That's enough to make me smile. More time for beads! I'm hoping my new torch will be coming soon (cross your fingers) I'm ready for hotter fire flame! Whoo Hoo!

not another headache

i can feel it creeping up. just a little squeeze on my temples. and it's still hot outside which doesn't help. I have hit a low point the last few days and struggle to come to terms with how my life has changed since the beginning of 2010. almost entirely in negative ways. so I realize I need to find a way to make the negatives into new positives. I thought re-vamping my business was the answer but I see now it was only a distraction. nothing seems to make sense to me. I can't help but nurse that "what did I do to deserve this" attitude. I think, for now, it's time to take a nap.