Saturday, July 31, 2010

thoughts of dad

my dad and I in 1971

today it has been 4 weeks since I walked into my dad's hospital room to say goodbye for the last time. it's all so amazingly difficult and hard to explain. I have lost grandparents (all of them) aunts, uncles and in 8th grade, a fellow classmate. nothing comes close to this. we were a small family and lived in a smaller house on a little street in a town that didn't even have a restaurant when my parents bought the house. that was Huntington Beach, California. that little house cost $14,000. a huge amount to my parents back then. the house hadn't even been built when they signed their names on the dotted lines. I lived in that house, with my parents, until I was 24. how do you ever say goodbye to someone you lived with for half your life. how do you reconcile all the missed opportunities to visit, listen to stories, just plain listen. I know they say to live each day as though it's your last. does anyone ever do that? how could you live your life clinging on to every person you love just to go to the store? obviously, that is not realistic. but I wish I had been a better daughter in so many ways. it never occurred to me that at 81 he was old. he never seemed old. he was always laughing, cracking the same jokes he had cracked since my brother and I were small. I know he knew I loved him. I don't think there was any question about that. I guess maybe I never knew just how much until now. I feel like the pain will just split me open some days. others are more of a constant ache. I would do anything to have one more moment with him. just one. I don't think anyone can understand what losing a parent does to you. it is in fact losing a huge portion of who you are. how am I to accept that part of me no longer exists?

Friday, July 30, 2010

the fair - highlights!

ferris wheel
I feel sick just looking at it!

hannah and sara risk their lives!

my dinner!
fair food!
after avoiding the fair for close to 20 years I finally returned last night. it must have be twice the size it used to be. big scary rides, tons of animals and exhibits. the food was huge and disgusting, just like fair food should be. the biggest change I noticed (besides the general size of the place) was the absence of carnies. no carnies. anywhere. what IS a fair or carnival without carnies. working behind every booth I saw teenagers looking bored and making plans for after work over their customers heads. where was the shouting? the belittling? the out and out begging for you to "come give it a try" and "win the little lady one of these cute blue bunnies"?
it's a sad, sad day when teenagers can no longer stick to fast food places for summer jobs and have to take the jobs of innocent carnies.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

new etsy!

today I am unveiling my new etsy store front:
I hope it's well liked. It's kind of my baby, connecting me to my childhood in some personal ways. I think it says a lot about me. even if nobody gets it but me..haha! I am gonna try to stay on top of it adding new things at least weekly. that alone will be a HUGE change.
in other "my life" news, David has left for Catalina Island to camp out with the Bison and 2 of his friends. they're gonna do some snorkeling and hiking. driving them out to San Pedro this morning was weird. that whole area down there is so UGLY! doesn't seem to fit with the rest of So. Cal. anyway I can't believe he won't be back until Friday. I know, it's only a couple days...but that kid keeps me laughing and I'll miss him. be safe David!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

it's a new hair day

after weeks of looking drab and sad, today is the day I'm gonna start pulling myself together. at least that is my intention. I gave myself a little pedicure this morning and did some exfoliating on my face. this afternoon I have an appointment with my personal (well ok, she does have other clients too) hair genie, Melissa. your magic baby! I put my head in your hands and beg of you "help"!

Friday, July 23, 2010

starting over

well here I go again. it is true that I am one of "those" people. I like change. as a kid I looked forward to the first day of school as much as the last day. I like to move, change cars, chop of my hair then grow it long. I have been thinking a lot lately about being a kid. I miss it. I think it's true that my friends and family would agree I have resisted growing up and maturing for a very long time. I mean, I'm 47 (almost 48....shhhhhh) and still love those stupid comedies geared towards 14 year old boys. I make jewelry and glass beads (the ultimate in playing with "crayons") as my profession. But lately, after somewhat of a traumatic year I've been thinking about my childhood. It's interesting to see how it has shaped who I am, what I love (and hate) and my art. as a kid art was my life. I could sit in my room for hours drawing and listening to the radio. but it's not like I didn't have friends. our whole block was made up of kids and we could entertain ourselves around the neighborhood for hours. but I think what shaped me the most and had the most influence on my art was living so near to the beach. I grew up in Huntington Beach, California. we practically lived at the beach (or the even closer bay) all summer. It was tradition to go to the beach on New Years day. we went crab digging and watched grunion run. most of us covered ourselves in iodine and baby oil under the belief you would tan quicker. not my brother and I tho, we had to use the highest SPF (what was it then? 4 maybe?) of coppertone because my dad said the sun wasn't good for your skin. coppertone didn't smell nearly as cool and yummy as Hawaiian Tropic. so, I definitely grew up with sand between my toes and a rockin' tan (despite dad's efforts). this was also a time of surfing, skateboards, bogeyboards and body surfing. I began making jewelry at about 10. gee, that would be 1972. anyway, I did a lot of cool macrame, shells, wood and ceramics. and because I have been spending so much time thinking about all this (and there are tons more memories, but that's for a different day) I decided my jewelry business needed to reflect where I come from. I wanted a beach vibe and this explains the change. my business is now changed from stars by stacey to Lowtide and Lemon Pie. the colors are changing too. I am hoping my customers will get more of a feel of who I am with these changes. because being a kid in Huntington Beach in the 70's was fantastic. and I plan to hold on to my childhood as long as possible. thanks mom and dad, you picked a beautiful place to raise my brother and I.

as a side note I do want to add that although I have been thinking about these changes for awhile now, they come with a very sad and kind of ironic twist. my dad passed away on July 3 2010. so in a lot of ways, this is for you dad.