Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
As you can tell by the complete lack of photos here my first day of enameling was a bust. Maybe I should have tried to do more than just counter-enamel one dog tag? Hey! It was a shitty day! One try was all I had in me. Tomorrow I will hope for better results (and more patience). If I have any success you'll get pics. Don't hold your breath....haha
Thursday, January 20, 2011
sweet David, my 19 year old has played golf since he was 4. he has like 20 trophies in his room from various tournaments. He played Varsity in high school. In the past year he has decided to learn how to skate. he never owned a pair as a kid, never went to a roller rink or ice skating. a few months ago he dropped the bomb that he wanted to play hockey. I was hoping it was a phase, tho I should have known better. He is just like his dad with stuff like that. once they get interested it becomes an obsession. now he has joined a league and we went to watch them play tonight. what happened to my baby? he was out there holding his own with grown men. and those guys are really mean and aggressive. it was shocking. I liked golf better. I think I even like scuba diving better. hockey made my tummy hurt.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm all booked for The Bead and Button Show in June. Which made me giddy for about 24 hours. Now the creepy sad feelings are returning. Actually, that may have been the longest stretch of happiness I have felt in a year. Suffering from depression is a horrible umbrella to live under. I also tend towards anxiety/panic although that seems pretty controlled by my meds. I felt for a long time that the depression was under control too. I would still get it, just maybe a few days a month. I realize the past year or so has been hell for me, so I'm adding situational depression on top of chemical but shit, why can't I shake it? I have gained about 10 pounds this year which isn't helping. I know people aren't always so upfront about this stuff but I have nothing to hide. It's part of who I am. And I was ok with that when it was a few days a month. I don't think I have made it through a day without crying in almost a year. I really want to be happy again. I do have moments of extreme happiness. The kids are always good at making me happy. But it never lasts. It seems lately that happiness disappears like a puff of smoke. So fleeting I can barely grasp it. Hardly enjoy it. Yesterday I made an effort to stay happy all day and it worked. I woke up today with the same goal but old hurts crashed in and pulled the happy away. How do you learn to "let things go"? How can I "forgive and forget" all the pain? There has to be a way to banish these feelings once and for all. At least for the past.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Instead of a nice, restful 3 day weekend I decided to cram in as much as possible. Saturday: moved stuff out of Hannah's room and began painting. It wasn't long before I snuck out and left the remaining 3 walls to Chris and Hannah to finish. tee hee. Next was assembling her new night stand. When I read "some assembly required" I don't think "this will come in a small box of pieces and you will, for all intents and purposes build this yourself". But that's what it was. 3 hours later we had a painted bedroom and a nightstand. Hannah and I felt pretty good about the nightstand, I must say. Sunday: Build the matching dresser and remove all old furniture from Hannah's room. Put on new bedding and finish the desk I started building last weekend. Monday: take Hannah shopping for a Winter Formal dress, shoes and jewelry. Stop at Target too. I am so tired I can't see straight. I'm gonna go to bed now, I'll try to post pictures tomorrow. If I get out of bed. Haha.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The studio has been taken apart, carpet pulled up, holes spackled and walls painted. I built a desk and shelving....well, put together from "easy to assemble" stuff. I have dragged everything back in, organized it and put it in it's new home. It looks so spacious and wonderful. Too bad I'm too tired to create anything now.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Christmas is packed and done. sort of. the boxes are still pilled high under my staircase but soon they will go up up up to the rafters in the sky. well, garage. The house, of course is still as mess. I have undertaken too many projects all at once and the house is suffering for it. David is trying to organize his room to incorporate all the things he took of my dad's. books, and pictures and knives and magazines. all piled up on the floor. so he is working on that. Hannah has decided her "baby furniture" has to go and wants her room completely re-done. all furniture replaced, new bedding, room painted. so there is that little mess. I have decided a lot of things in the house need to find new homes (trash). AND I have started a tiny little project of re-doing my office/studio AGAIN! It's just so cold and garage-y out here. I would like to get rid of all the art/craft stuff that doesn't pertain to jewelry and make it cozier in here. So that is how we are beginning the New Year at my house. Huge piles of junk and such all over the place. Fun fun.